Support for Debbie Randolph
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I started this site
you give my wife a place to post her thoughts and feelings,
she says maybe later but not for now
so I will post my
outlook on everything as her husband.
I have experienced many things in my life, but I have never been scared as I am now.
I am not afraid to
die, but I am scared about losing my wife . . .
I worry about her all the time, and it hurts so badly to watch her lay there in pain and not be able to do anything about it . . .it is my very sincere prayer that nobody would ever have to go through what my wife is going through. I always knew my wife did a lot for me and at our home, but I had no idea how much until she was too sick to even care for herself.
My wife tries not to let me know how bad she feels, for while she is going through this torture, she is worried about me. So instead I will try to put into words what this is like for me.
Our Church, Friends and Family have been great with support, and it seems the only time we get a little relief is while we have company visit, then after that it is back to the stress.
Have you ever broke up with somebody and listen to the songs you listen to together, even though it just made you hurt more . . . well that is what it is like learning about Cancer. You know the more you learn the more it will hurt. . but you just have to learn everything about Cancer regardless of how much it hurts.
And to any guys reading this . . . the best thing you could do for any woman in your life is to encourage them to have a breast exam . . and even if they are under 30, they should have a baseline.
My wife's first surgery was to remove the cancer in her Breast, after the surgery, the surgeon went on about how great a job he did and how he even removed areas around the cancer to make sure he got it all, now we are one day away from April fools day and she had her 2nd surgery, this time they find that half of her lymph nodes have cancer so she will have to have 24 chemo treatments, 12 radiation treatments, and hopefully that will do the job, then she will need 5 years of hormone treatments, but hormone treatment is very easy on the body.
July: My wife's doctor is suppose to be one of the best around, however every time he gives us a little hope, he is always wrong . . .so it must really be rough on everybody else, at this point anything not bad is good
August: My wife is still unable to do anything for herself. She is very weak and always sick. She gets up for about 2 or 3 hrs in the morning and then it is to bed. Our friends and family are tired of hearing about it, although they try to act like they are interested. She will never be able to go to work again so she is trying to apply for SSI. We are hoping we can get a family member move in so I can be out of town
I know my wife needs
me at home, but the bills have to be paid and I could use some time away.
although the fuel prices is killing my business.
Sept: Well phase 1 is over, now we have Chemo every wk, but it is a different type of chemo and is suppose to be easier on her body, so hopefully she will not be as sick or in as much pain.
We went to the doctor today, her body is crashing from all the chemo, so the doctor has suspended the chemo for now and keeping her on bed rest. She is sick, unable to sleep and she bruises just by touching something. For example she tried to blend some mashed potatoes and her hands and fingers turned blue from bruising. The doctor keeps saying she is going to beat this, but to me it just seems to keep getting worse.
I so wish this was over, I am so tired, just worn out. . . I can not even guess how hard this is on her.
I try not to
show how worried I am, but have given a lot of thought to what I would do
she has become my world, We don't do anything without each other. . . I will be so lost without her.
Oct: I am so sick of doctors and hospitals, but we did get some good news today, they checked her heart yesterday and got the results today, her heart still has not been damaged. . . so she will start back on the chemo next week. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is cancer and how much is just my wife.
Let me explain, my wife and I have made each other our center of attention
We use to do
everything together. We used to lay together and watch TV, we cuddled and
fondled all the time,
we would grab or pet each other when we walked by and we had a very active sex live, then last yr she seemed to turn cold, then we found she had cancer. . . . now we do not kiss, hug, cuddle or anything . . . its like I am taking care of my sister.
She does not see it,
she tells me there is more to marriage than sex and I agree
but it seems if I am suppose to give up everything and she gives up nothing
I have gained 30 pounds in 6 months, so something has got to change
By doctor says it is because of stress. I have given up friend foods, beef, sweets and fatty foods, but I still gain the weight. Now the doctor has me walking 30 minutes a day to reduce stress. . . I do not see this making a difference, but I am doing the walking.
And besides this
everything I do seems wrong
I do the dishes, its wrong, I am too noisy, or put things in the wrong place
When I fix meals. .
. she does not care what I fix, till I fix it and then it is
either not what she wanted or not cooked the way she wants it
When cleaning house,
I am always cleaning on the wrong day of the week,
but to her everyday is the wrong day
When I do laundry,
what ever I wash should of been washed before
or after something else, or I should not was this item with that item
And the dryer, I dried
too long, not long enough,
or something that should not be put in the dryer
She is up during all hours of the night, and expects me to be up also
and her appts she is
upset that I wake her, but when she says to wake
her at a set time she is late and again its my fault.
I do love my wife, and I understand a lot or most of this is due to the cancer
Sometimes I feel she some how thinks I am to blame for her breast cancer
Oct 3, 2008
Well we do have some good news . . . you see our credit is soo shot now
That we no longer have to stress over it, no matter what happens, our credit can not
get any worse, so at least that is one less thing for us to worry about.
Oct 8, 2008 We have
a Doctor appt today to see if Debbie's health has improved enough to
finish her Chemo.
We are both praying and asking everyone else to pray she can finish her chemo, and that she
will live through all this.
Oct 3,2008 Debbie's
feet are turning blue, and if she holds anything to tight or pick up something
heavy her hands look like they were painted blue, from bruising. Looks like it will be
another week before she continues her chemo.
Debbie's Doctor is going to have her go in on 2 days for shots to help raise her
then he is going to try and get her through 2 more chemo treatments, then she will have about
a months break and then 3 months of Radiation, which she will have to go to the hospital
everyday for 3 months.
At this point it looks like she will be able to start building her strength In
March of 2009, if all
goes well. . . and depends on the about of damage the radiation does to her lungs and heart . . .
but at least then we will know if she is going to survive the cancer.
Oct 20, 2008
Debbie is still having health problems from all the chemo. She is in bed
about 18 to 20 hrs a day
and her toes and fingers keep turning blue. Her doctor decided more Chemo would be too risky
for her health . . . so she is one with the Chemo, or at least till after Radiation so now she will get
a few weeks rest before the Radiation starts.
Nov 3, 2008
Great news, Debbie is feeling better, she even made it through Sunday School And
She is walking around in th4 house and even walked into petsmart without use of her wheelchair
I never though being stubborn was a good sign, but for her it shows she is feeling better.
This site is another of the many things I have not been able to keep up with during this last yr
Well Debbie was finally treated for her Brest Cancer, although it almost killed her
we were ready to put all this behind us and look forward to putting our lives back together
She was weak from all the treatments, had lots of memory lost which the Doctors said a lot would come back during the next yr. She will never work outside the home again but she can have a good life.
Then 2 months later she goes in for an exam. . . this time they find 3 lumps on the other breast
This time she opts to just have both breast removed and then the reconstruction.
The doctors tried to prepare us for how she would look, but I was still shocked. . . instead of surgery she looked like she had been tortured.
Well she is home now and recovering from her first of the 3 surgery's she will have for the reconstruction, so it looks like she will be up and moving around the house before the end of Sept 09
7/23/09 We go to East Cooper Hospital in the morning for Debbie to have her last drain removed from her first surgery for the reconstruction . . . 2 more surgeries and she will be done
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May 15, 2010 Dr Hahm has destroyed my wifes body, she can barely move around the house without pain, when she walkis she still has to hold her belly, and this is almost a year after her last surgery because he waited too long to finish her surgery, telling us not to worry he would work it out. She can not raise her arms chest high
and when she is undressed she looks like a monster, she feels like her
womanhood has been stolen from her and now she has flaps where she is supposed
to have breast.
She has scars on her front that looks like she was chopped up by a butter knife
We need a surgeon to correct what Dr Hahm has done to my wife, however we do not have the money and we will never be able to get health insurance on her before she dies.
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