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| Breast
Cancer Support for Debbie Randolph |
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I started this site
you give my wife a place to post her thoughts and feelings,
she says maybe later but not for now
so I will post my
outlook on everything as her husband.
I have experienced many things in my life, but I have never been scared as i am
now.
I am not afraid to
die, but I am scared about losing my wife . . .
I worry about her all the time, and it hurts so badly to watch her lay there in
pain and not be able to do anything about it . . .it is my very sincere prayer
that nobody would ever have to go through what my wife is going through. I
always knew my wife did a lot for me and at our home, but I had no idea how much
untill she was too sick to even care for herself.
My wife trys not to let me know how bad she feels, for while she is going through this torture, she is worried about me. So instead I will try to put into words what this is like for me.
Our Church, Friends and Family have been great with support, and it seems the only time we get a little relief is while we have company visit, then after that it is back to the stress.
Have you ever broke up with somebody and listen to the songs you listen to together, even though it just made you hurt more . . . well that is what it is like learning about Cancer. You know the more you learn the more it will hurt. . but you just have to learn everything about Cancer regardless of how much it hurts.
And to any guys reading this . . . the best thing you could do for any woman in your life is to encourage them to have a breast exam . . and even if they are under 30, they should have a baseline.
July: My wifes doctor is suppose to be one of the best around, however every time he gives us a little hope, he is always wrong . . .so it must really be rough on eveybody else, at this point anything not bad is good
August: My wife is still unable to do anything for herself. She is very weak and always sick. She gets up for about 2 or 3 hrs in the morning and then it is to bed. Our friends and family are tired of hearing about it, although they try to act like they are interested. She will never be able to go to work again so she is trying to apply for SSI. We are hoping we can get a family member move in so I can be out of town
I know my wife needs
me at home, but the bills have to be paid and i could use some time away.
although the fuel prices is killing my business.
Sept: Well phase 1 is over, now we have Chemo every wk, but it is a differant type of chemo and is suppose to be easier on her body, so hopefully she will not be as sick or in as much pain.
We went to the doctor today, her body is crashing from all the chemo, so the doctor has suspened the chemo for now and keeping her on bed rest. She is sick, unable to sleep and she brusise just by tocuing something. For examaple she tried to blend some mashed potatoes and her hands and fingers turned blue from brusing. The doctor keeps saying she is going to beat this, but to me it just seems to keep getting worse.
I so wish this was over, I am so tired, just worn out. . . I can not even guess how hard this is on her.
I try not to
show how worried I am, but have given a lot of thought to what I would do
without her,
she has become my world, We dont do anything without each other. . . I will be
so lost without her.
Oct: I am so sick of doctors and hospitals, but we did get some good news today, they checked her heart yesterday and got the results today, her heart still has not been damaged. . . so she will strat back on the chemo next week. Sometimes i wonder how much of this is cancer and how much is just my wife.
Let me explain, my wife and i have made each other our center of attention
We use to do
everything together. We used to lay together and watch TV, we cuddled and
fondled all the time,
we would grap or pet each other when we walked by and we had a very active sex
live, then last yr she seemed to turn cold, then we found she had cancer. . . .
now we do not kiss, hug, cuddle or anything . . . its like I am taking care of
my sister.
She does not see it,
she tells me there is more to marriage than sex and I agree
but it seems if I am suppose to give up everything and she gives up nothing
I have gained 30 pounds in 6 months, so something has got to change
By doctor says it is because of stress. I have given up friend foods, beef, sweets and fatty foods, but I still gain the weight. Now the doctor has me walking 30 minutes a day to reduce stress. . . I do not see this making a differance, but I am doing the walking.
And besides this
everything I do seems wrong
i do the dishes, its wrong, I am too noisey, or put things in the wrong place
When I fix meals. .
. she does not care what i fix, till I fix it and then it is
either not what she wanted or
not cooked the way she wants it
When cleaning house,
I am always cleaning on the wrong day of the week,
but to her everyday is
the wrong day
When I do laundry,
what ever I wash should of been washed before
or after something else, or I should not was this item with that item
And the dryer, i
dryed too long, not long enough,
or something that should not be put in the dryer
She is up during all hours of the night, and expects me to be up also
and her appts she is
upset that I wake her, but when she says to wake
her at a set time she is late and again its my fault.
I do love my wife, and I understand a lot or most of this is due to the cancer
Sometimes I feel she some how thinks I am to blame for her breast cancer
Oct 3, 2008
Well we do have some good news . . . you see our credit is soo shot now
That we no longer have to stress over it, no matter what happens, our credit can
not get any worse, so at least that is one less thing for us to worry about.
.